Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Week 6: Redeeming

This tit-fan has been disappointed lately. Because of an ill-timed class, I've been missing the first hour of the Biggest Loser. However, Alison has just what I need as far as a titty pick-me-up goes. There's nothing like staring at a nice pair after a long, hard day. Mmm. Yeah.

This week, Alison is sporting a seductively plunging neckline. Her blue dress compliments her skin tone and erm... shows off her assets, too. Best of all, she's keeping it classy while still being tantalizing. Good show, Alison.

Overall, I'm finding myself pretty seduced by her cleavage. I'd motorboat that.

Grade: B+

Week 5: Super Sub-Par

Week five was a week of disappointments on The Biggest Loser. Honestly... it was so lame that I don't even remember what happened. You see, I watched it the following day, on the internets. I was fortunate enough to be able to get a screen-capture of Alison though. Oh yes, that's right. This week's post is accompanied by an image. As you can clearly see. Ms. Sweeney's DURRR face is just as displeasing as her tits. Look at that school marm-esque neckline. Something's gotta give, Alison. We miss seeing your glorious cleavage. Please, stop disappointing your fans.

We're not even seeing much volume. There is no saving grace. I am sad.

Grade: D-

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Week 4: Tempting

This blogger is under some duress at the moment. Without going into too many details, we shall just say that Aunt Flo has come for a visit. Aunt Flo causes me great pain. I'm in that sort of mood where I feel like eradicating my uterus, and all other uteruses on this earth. However, upon viewing Alison Sweeney's tits this week, my spirits were lifted considerably. Womankind, you have been redeemed.

This week Alison is sporting another shirt with ruffles, drawing more attention to her voluptuous bosom. She keeps it classy with black and white, much better than her previous green ruffle choice. The neckline on this dips waaaay down. Waaaaay down. This blogger's eyes nearly popped out of her head upon viewing these titillating titties. While Alison still refuses to wear a push-up bra, we are getting some attractive lift--looking better than the myriad man-titties, in any case.

After last week's miserable failure, I think we are all relieved to see this vast improvement. Bravo, you bodacious broad.

Grade: B+

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Week 3: abysmal

This week on the Biggest Loser, the contestants took on the roles of student and teacher, so that the teachers may coach the students in their athletic endeavors. The school theme manifests on a whole other level in out favorite hostess's wardrobe: Alison is donning a very school marm-esque black dress, with yet another square neckline. This time the neckline in question is so high that not even a suggestion of her illustrious cleavage is visible.

Alison's fans aren't even gratified with volume this week: the uniformity of her conservative black dress camoflages any hope of voluptuous goodness. For shame, Alison, for shame!

Grade: F

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Week 2: Disappointment Abounds

On the Biggest Loser, Week 2 is notoriously cursed for the contestants. It seems that this season, week 2 is also cursed for tit-admirers everywhere. Tonight, Alison is sporting a black skirt and a ruffled green top, a poor fashion choice to begin with. However, this is not a fashion blog. This is a blog about tits.

The green ruffles on Alison's top meet at a point sufficiently low in the cleavage-zone--so much potential!--however, cleavage is not exactly visible. Alison, please invest in a push-up bra for everyone's sake. If only she was wearing a push-up bra, we'd all be reveling in booby goodness, but instead we are faced with a disappointing one-inch gap between the twins.

Regardless, we are seeing some nice volume, and the blouse gives Alison a nice silhouette. She gets an A for effort, but there's still room for improvement. Maybe next week, she'll pull out the big guns.

Grade: B-

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Welcome to the Valley of the Tits

This blog is solely dedicated to an examination of Alison Sweeney's tits throughout this season of the Biggest Loser.

Why? Well, because as an avid watcher of the Biggest Loser, I have noticed that Alison gets a little tramped up for each weigh-in, and with very few exceptions, whenever the camera is on her, her tits are all I can look at or pay attention to. It's largely detrimental to my concentration. So, I figured, as long as I'm thinking these thoughts and getting this distracted, I might as well amuse others.


Person A: What did Alison Sweeney just say?
Me: I don't know, something about luscious bosoms?
Person A: No, I don't think so. You are useless.
Me: I know.

And that's about the size of it (it being her boobs, and the size being about a DD).

Week I: Sub-Par

Tit-wise, the season starts out disappointing: Alison tempts us sporting a saucy red dress, but the garment's square neckline isn't conducive to cleavage. The barest suggestion of it is seen at the lowest point of the neckline, but unless Alison bends over and shakes those maracas, her disappointed audience will not be rewarded with any titty-shaking goodness.

The one redeeming factor is that her breasts, while completely concealed, are looking rather full and perky.

Alison, you could do much better. I saw more cleavage from the sports bra-clad contestants... not to mention the moobs. So, so many moobs. Maybe next week you will make this blogger proud.

Grade: C-